Day 75

I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. I never have been, nor will I ever be. No amount of hair tonics, caffeine, or amphetamines will change this. The irony is that I actually do enjoy a nice leisurely morning of drinking coffee, surfing the ‘net, and maybe a little Today Show. I never do this, though. When I get up for work, I wake up at the last possible second, throw on some clothes, wash my face, slap on any appropriate make up, make sure the cat has food and water (get suckered into playing with her for 30 seconds), make a latte if I have time (if not, grab something caffeinated from the fridge), grab my shit, and leave. I am inevitably 5 minutes late for everything despite the fact that I set my clocks 5 minutes ahead, but I know this, so I subtract 5 whenever I look at the clock and with cell phones and computers knowing what time it is via satellites or something, it’s kind of hard to trick yourself into being on time.

Anyway, this morning I had to get my ass out of bed because they were sealing the pavement on my street or something and if I didn’t leave by 6am, I wouldn’t be able to get my car out. Miraculously, I woke up at 5:30am (FUCK! That’s early) with some help from the cat (she is often the best/worst/most annoying alarm clock). I was out the door by 6 on the dot and decided to get breakfast. I wanted to go to the 101 Coffee Shop, but they didn’t open till 7am. The Waffle didn’t open until 6:30am. So I went to Denny’s. I honestly have not been to a Denny’s since my sis and I drove across this great nation of ours. Last time I got “Moons over My Hammy,” but today I did “Build Your Own Slam.” I was surprised that there were more than 5 people there. I then hopped over to Starbucks and got a dirty chai (yes, that’s what it’s called – it’s a chai latte with a shot of tequila – just kidding – a shot of espresso). There were weirder people at Starbucks than at Denny’s, which surprised me. I guess I’m an elitist or something.

I like the world at 6am. The streets are nearly empty. There is no noise. “All is quiet.” Most people would think of All Quiet on the Western Front when a sentence like that crosses your mind. However, as I’m sure you all know, I am not most people. I think of the ending of a children’s book that my mom read to my sister and I when we were little. My mom is awesome and when she knew she was going to have to work bingo (it’s a Catholic school thing) and wouldn’t be there to read to us, she made a tape of stories. I have this tape. Well, you’ll see what I mean. I’m really cute and I was kind of blonde as a kid, so it totally relates to this BLONDE theme I’m going for.

And now, let’s travel back to approximately 1987-88.

© Mom Blondie 1988

Today gets 5 Barbie Warhols for my nostalgia infection: