My Blonde Introduction

I don’t know why, as women, we tend to connect so strongly with our hair. I always know when I need a life change when I want to do something drastic with my hair. It’s usually chopping it off, but every once in a while, I want to go black. Or blonde. Or pink. I think my hair is how I deal with my internal turmoil in an external way. Perhaps it’s because it’s something that we can supposedly control (although, the way I can get bed head, I’m not sure that this is entirely true). Your hair can completely change the way you look. In every movie that includes a makeover sequence, the hair is always top of the to-do list (except for Pretty Woman when she tries on all the clothes, but you already got the “surprise!” hair moment when she takes off her blonde bob wig to reveal the saucy red wild-haired woman the morning after she gets down with Mr. Edward Lewis). Here are a few all the examples I can think of:

Movies:

- Roman Holiday (1953), Sabrina (1954) & Sabrina (1995) – Audrey Hepburn (and Julia Ormond) cut their hair and as a sign of maturity and suddenly Gregory Peck and William Holden (and Greg Kinnear) pay attention to her.

- Vertigo (1958) – Jimmy Stewart becomes obsessed with the dead Madeleine (Kim Novak) and makes over her doppelganger Judy (also Kim Novak, duh) to look just like her – including a new blonde ‘do.

- Grease (1978) – In the pivotal scene in the finale, Sandy (Olivia Newton-John) struts up in her skin-tight black ensemble with high heels – her sexy new look – which also involves a teased curly mop of hair – and gets Danny (John Travolta) in a voice-cracking tizzy. They then bust out “You’re the One That I Want” and cruise into the upper atmosphere.

- Breakfast Club (1985) – Claire (Molly Ringwald) gives Allison (Ally Sheedy) a five-minute makeover. She has less eye makeup and the hair is out of her face with a headband.

- The Fugitive (1993) – Dr. Richard Kimble (Harrison Ford) dyes his hair dark and shaves his beard and no one recognizes him as the man on the wanted posters.

- Clueless (1995) – “Cher’s main thrill in life is a makeover; it gives her a sense of control in a world full of chaos.” Di (Stacey Dash) and Cher (Alicia Silverstone) rinse the Kool-Aid red color out of Tai’s (Brittany Murphy) hair and give her a head-to-toe makeover.

- She’s All That (1999) – When Zack (Freddie Prinze, Jr.) makes a bet that he can turn Laney (Rachael Leigh Cook), the school ugly duckling, into the prom queen, he enlists his sister (Anna Paquin) to give her a makeover. It’s a simple makeover that involves taking off her glasses, letting her hair down, and showing some cleavage.

- Jawbreaker (1999) – When she uncovers a birthday prank goes awry, geek Fern Mayo (Judy Greer) gets a makeover from Courtney (Rose McGowan) and Marcie (Julie Benz) to keep quiet. Little do they know they created more than they can handle when Fern becomes “Vylette.”

- Miss Congeniality (2000) – When FBI agent Gracie Hart (Sandra Bullock) has to go undercover at a beauty pageant, she gets a makeover from Victor Melling (Michael Caine). They flat-iron her hair, wax her, and put her in some tight dresses. It’s hot.

- Princess Diaries (2001) – Mia (Anna Hathaway) discovers that she’s a princess when the Queen of Genovia (Julie Andrews) reveals that her father was a prince. She gets a makeover – new clothes, they straighten her frizzy hair, pluck her Groucho eyebrows, and give her some lipgloss and eyeshadow.

- V for Vendetta (2006) – V (Hugo Weaving) shaves Evey’s (Natalie Portman) head in an effort to make her an ally. Her shaved head signifies her rebirth. (Hello Makeover!)

- The House Bunny (2008) – Shelly (Anna Faris), a former Playboy Bunny becomes a sorority housemother and gives the failing ZETA girls makeovers. This includes large manes, push-up bras, heavy eye makeup, and sky-high heels. The sorority grows in popularity and everyone lives happily ever after.

Television:

- Felicity, “The List” (1999) – After a bad breakup with Ben (Scott Speedman), Felicity (Keri Russell) cuts off her luscious curly locks. Ratings plummeted.

- The Gilmore Girls, “One’s Got Class and The Other One Dyes” (2002) - Rory Gilmore (Alexis Bledel) helps her friend Lane (Keiko Agena) bleach and dye her hair purple in an act of rebellion. Lane freaks out, knowing that her strict Korean mother will kill her, so she and Rory dye it back to its original color. But she still has dyed hair. Rebel!

- What Not to Wear (2003 – Present) – The makeover show has been going for eight years and while the hosts (Stacy London, Clinton Kelly) mostly focus on fashion and eradicating all polyester from existence, they do have hair and makeup specialist chop and polish their contestants.

To quote the very wise Helen Shivers (Sarah Michelle Gellar) from I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997), “Hey, it’s all about the hair. Don’t you forget that. Especially when you become some big hotshot lawyer. Those professional types think its all about brains and ability and completely ignore the ‘do.” I probably reference 90’s pop culture too much to make myself relevant, but my point is (and I do have one) that I’ve been brainwashed to believe that makeovers can change your life. And that 50-75% of a makeover is changing the hair. No wonder I have irrationally manifested my identity in my hair. So, I have hypothesized that if I change my hair, I can change myself for the better. Most people will think this is silly. Some people will think this is a no-brainer. But, I’m not “most people.” I’m not “some people.” I'm me and I am the master of my own hair destiny.

So… Why blonde?

I’m a natural redhead. Stop. RIGHT THERE. There will be no jokes about firecrotches, carpet and curtain coordination, or ... whatever else you’re thinking.

Just kidding. There will be all of that and blonde jokes. Probably more than you could ever want.

I’ve been toying with the idea of dyeing my hair blonde for quite sometime. I believe that during the summer of 2003 I even had highlights, but I’ve always been red. Occasionally I would color my hair to make it even redder. It was a part of identity. My mother always claimed that when she named me Maureen that she hoped I’d be a redhead, like Maureen O’Hara. My family has red hair (except for my dad, who doesn’t really have hair, and as far as I’m concerned, never did). We’ve got strawberry blondes, coppertops and classic auburns. I’m already kind of the black sheep of the family insofar as: a) I have moved the farthest away. b) I chose an artistic, unstable career. c) I earn a meager salary. d) I visit my parents the least. So, why not differentiate myself further with a dramatic hair change? Also, I know that it will probably drive my mother crazy, and I think that is every daughter’s goal in life, right?

I am going blonde because I would like to know, like really know, if blondes do have more fun. I guess this is dependent on my predetermined definition of “fun” and how I plan to quantify said “fun.” I'm going to rate my experiences on a scale of 1 to 5 blonde warhols. One means today sucks, and five means I can't remember(because it was so awesome).

I also plan to attempt to debunk the "dumb blonde" myth. Granted, one could argue that I'm not a natural blonde, so these rules do not apply to me. Although I believe that does make sense, my external hair color should not influence my internal though, I also believe in the power of perception. If I perceive myself as a "dumb blonde," is that what I am - a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy? Only time will tell...