Day 69

BLONDE BADASS.

I would have to say that I think I might be a blonde badass. I’m not quite to the ass-kicking status of Beatrix Kiddo, and I’m not the crazy of Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman, but I have become more ferocious as a blonde. I haven’t been taking as much crap from people. I’m sure this could just be my evolution as a human being, but I’m going to BLAME IT ON THE BLONDE™. There have literally been times when someone will say or do something to me and my omnipotent narrator will say, “And so Mo’s heart was hardened,” over the loud speaker in my head. For those of you who didn’t go to Catholic school their whole lives, this is a play on the Bible verse “and so the Lord hardened Pharaoh’s heart,” or something to that effect. People have actually debated because the Bible says GOD hardened Ramses’ heart, and can that be construed as God messing with his free will, etc. I get it, but I also have the narration from The Prince of Egypt in my head, that I think is, “And so Pharaoh’s heart hardened.” Which is correct? So not the point (Weird thing about that movie – Val Kilmer is the voice of Moses and the voice of God).

Now, this doesn’t mean that I’ve become some cold-hearted bitch, I think it just means that I’ve learned a lesson and will watch my back. Also, I get to have a stony stare when someone hardens my heart. It’s pretty badass. Your lesson from this should be: don’t cross me, because I might forgive you, but I might not. I know that Jesus said, “forgive those who hurt you,” but he probably should have said, “but don’t be an idiot and let people take advantage of you.” He said, “turn the other cheek,” but he should have added, “but only once per person.” If you keep turning cheeks, you’re going to have red handprints all over your face, no self respect, and not even a medal declaring you “bitch-slap champion.” I think that you have to look at these things on a case-by-case basis.

So, I’m a badass. I’m working on doing pull ups like Linda Hamilton in T2. I’ve been considering wearing a holster in everyday life. There may not be a gun in it, but it screams BADASS. For right now, I’ll settle for being my BLONDE self who people underestimate, and then I sneak up on them like a ninja. It’s all part of the plan.

Today gets 4 Barbie Warhols: