Day 82

Author's note: I am not this obsessed with pizza...

I ordered pizza, and then the delivery guy came to my door, he thanked me for being a loyal customer. It was Dominoes and while I enjoy their thin crust pizza, I do NOT enjoy being reminded of how often I order pizza. I really don’t like people pointing out the fact that I have bad habits. So, their plan backfired. I feel like someone has called out my shitty eating habits and I don’t like that this dude’s one sentence held a mirror to my life and I didn’t like it. Fuck you, asshole. I’ll order pizza as much as I like and you should have some discretion, moron.

I LOVE pizza. It’s probably my fault that my cat LOVES pizza. She gets excited when pretty much anyone comes to the door because she thinks they are bringing her pizza (I’ve created a monster). It’s not like I’m so fat I can’t leave my house and all I do it order pizza. It’s a once-a-week type thing. Usually it’s Friday, but sometimes it’s Tuesday. Or WHENEVER THE FUCK I FEEL LIKE IT. I’m sure that I could have supermodel-type measurements if I just stopped eating pizza and ate salads and drank water. I do eat salads and drink water, but I also eat pizza and drink Coke and eat sour gummy worms. I love a good smoked gouda. So sue me. I don’t really want to be a supermodel; I want to eat, drink, and be merry.

I like being healthy and I like having pants that fit, but man, I could have done without some idiot pointing out my flaws. I answered the door in my pajamas with a face mask on; it was the epitome of attractiveness. I really don’t like the weird food stigma that we have in America. Are people judging me based on what I eat and how I look? I know that it’s always been about the superficial, but you shouldn’t judge me based on what type of cereal I eat. It’s not as though I go around eating chicken livers and eel scales, but what I eat is my business. How I deal with how it affects me is my business. I think that we have become a culture that looks down on people who eat certain things. I get it, but eating McDonalds isn’t bad if it’s once in a while. Super Size Me and Food, Inc., etc. have made people not want to eat at certain places and I totally get it. I just don’t think that because someone enjoys Popeye’s Chicken that they are automatically low class. Chipotle is owned by McDonalds, yet people seem to think that it’s this chic fast food burrito place. It’s all about marketing and cultural acceptance. I really don’t think that Whole Foods is as popular as it is in LA because that many people want to eat healthy. Shopping at Whole Foods is a similar status symbol to driving a Mercedes. You can easily drive a Toyota instead; you can easily buy organic food at Kroger’s or Ralphs (if that’s what you’re into). When I go to Whole Foods, it’s for specific items that you can’t get somewhere else, like pumpkin seeds or spelt flour. There is a reason Whole Foods is also referred to as “whole paycheck.”

So, do I care that the pizza guy made me feel bad about my eating habits? Only insofar as it made me realize that we’re a society of status symbol-worshipping assholes. Who can be the skinniest? Who can be the richest? Who can be the prettiest? Who can be the tannest? Who can be the BLONDEst? I can’t wait for the day when people realize that life isn’t a competition. I often catch myself thinking of the song/spoken word “Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen" and the lyrics therein, “Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead; sometimes you’re behind… The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.”

I honestly can’t believe that song is over a decade old. That makes me feel old, but I guess is speaks volumes of the song that I can still remember the lyrics and that I still remember where I was when I first heard it. I was painting in my bedroom. I had this rag rug that I would put down on the floor and I would get out my acrylics and paint little paintings of dream prom dresses, or dark twisted images (I was sooooooo deep back then). I was listening to the radio (97.9 WNCI) and they played this song by Baz Luhrmann and I thought, “The Romeo + Juliet guy is a singer now?” But I remember immediately being enthralled and taking every word to heart. I printed the lyrics off the internet, a new-found use for the interwebs aside from AOL instant messenger and checking your email. Even those tasks took 8 years because pretty much everyone still had dial-up. I pasted them into my sketchbook and referred to them probably more often than I should admit.

“You are not as fat as you imagine.” His words are so full of truth and I can honestly say that I make a solid effort everyday to put his advice into practice. I sing out loud in my car on the way to work, I try to convince myself everyday that I’m beautiful, I try not to worry, I try to do one thing everyday that scares me. I try not to feel guilty about not knowing what to do with my life. I don’t have subscriptions to beauty magazines.

Oh, and I wear sunscreen everyday.

Today gets 5 Barbie Warhols (because it includes pizza, duh):

P.S. He does say you shouldn't mess too much with your hair because "by the time you're 40, you'll look 85." I think this is a totally 90s perspective since now we have all sort of hair care science advancements. I'm serious. And worse case scenario, I'll keep the wig shops in business in my more advanced years.