Day 45

I saw Thor today. He represents blondes really well. And he has a magical hammer and bulging biceps. But mostly I think that his flowing blonde hair gives him his power. He’s like Samson with a hammer.

While I was sitting outside the movie theater, I got 4 smiles from complete strangers. Two of them were elderly. I think that this happened because I’m blonde and non-threatening. I was wearing my hipster-ish red riding hood t-shirt and rocking some innocent-looking pale pink lip-gloss, but I’m sure that it was because of the BLONDE.

I also saw Michelle Forbes at Starbucks today. It really took every fiber of my being to refrain from harassing her about “The Killing.” She was wearing a hat and sunglasses inside, which is a dead giveaway that someone doesn’t want to be seen. That’s like the equivalent to a wannabe invisibility cloak for muggles. So, as we were both hovering by the counter waiting for our concoctions, I thought of what I would say if I had no shame. She was fiddling with her iphone and I pretended to play with my phone as I thought of the following:

“WHO KILLED ROSIE LARSEN!? IS IT WARREN FROM EMPIRE RECORDS? YOU CAN TELL ME! PLEASE!”

“You scared the shit out of me in Swimming with Sharks. I hoped to never have a boss like you. Well, like your character, I don’t know you…”

“I really hated you as Maryann on ‘True Blood,’ but you know, because I was supposed to, because you were evil or whatever.”

“When they were shooting Escape from L.A., did everyone know it was going to suck?”

“When you were on ‘24,’ were you confused by the fact that no character ever really goes to the bathroom? Does Jack Bauer use a catheter?”

“What’s Gabriel Byrne like in person?”

“Are you a Cylon?”

“Have you ever felt pressured by Hollywood to get your mole removed? I think it’s cool that you have it, because (no offense) it’s how I tend to recognize you. It’s distinguished. My mom says I have a ‘distinguished’ nose, but usually that means big and there’s nothing you can do about it. I think I mean the opposite of that.”

Anyway, she’s about my height, but I imagined her taller, but I think that of everyone. I’ve had way too much coffee today.

Today gets 4 Barbie Warhols: