Day 62

(image from www.nataliedee.com)

I was talking to my mom on the phone today, as always, and it occurred to me as I was telling her about my weekend, this blonde business really has turned me into a feminist. Perhaps I always was someone who saw these inequalities but I chose not to dwell on it. I bought some makeup and bras and underwear today. Do you know how expensive that stuff is? It’s kind of ridiculous. I also am kind of appalled at how difficult it is to find an unpadded bra, because god knows I don’t need any additional padding. Sometimes, it’s really not fair being a woman. Trust me, if I could get away with being a bra-less, hairy, un-made-up woman, I would. However, society dictates that if I don’t adhere to certain social constructs, I will be an outcast. Let’s be honest, life is difficult enough without blatantly bucking the system over something as trivial as armpit hair or over-the-shoulder boulder holders. But I would like to point out the fact that being a woman is often unfair. I’m going to make some points whether they are valid or not, I don’t really care; I’m making them anyway:

- Bras kind of suck. They tend to be uncomfortable and that whole push-up business doesn’t necessarily make them any more comfortable. They had to have been invented by a guy. If we wanted to make things equal, would men wear testicle restraints? Of course not, and to suggest such would be seen as ludicrous. But bras, those are totally fine.

- I am totally against visible panty lines as much as the next gal, but there are so many types of underwear, it’s a bit insane. Brief, hi-cut bikini, string bikini, thong, boy short, cheeky, g-string, hiphugger, full coverage, no coverage, semi-coverage… Guys have boxers or briefs and the hybrid boxer-briefs.

- Men don’t have to go to a gynecologist. Women have to go to a doctor and essentially pay someone to stick a q-tip in their hoo-haw. It kind of gets to a point when you’re like, “wait, shouldn’t you be paying ME for this?” Don’t get me wrong, vaginas are great, but they tend to take a lot more upkeep than a dick.

- Bikini waxes? Really? Would dudes ever decide to go have a complete stranger put molten wax on their man-parts and then yank the hair out at the root? PA-LEEZZZ.

- Periods. Not fun and people (men) usually write off our feelings as PMS. Would you like to bleed out of your penis for a week and feel like you got the flu and the only cure for it is chocolate? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

- Makeup is awesome, don’t get me wrong, it can cover up all manner of sins. But if a guy has a bad night, you don’t see him dabbing concealer on his face to cover the bags under his eyes. I know that some gay men wear makeup proudly – you go! Actually, from what I’ve seen, they’re better at applying eyeliner than I am. Guys may see this as a draw back – they have to wear their imperfections with pride. I know that brother #anonymous used to not only use my exfoliating face wash and moisturizer, but I’m almost positive on several occasions he used my concealer on a zit or two. And you know what, other than being annoyed by him using my shit, I didn't really care.

- Childbirth. I can’t speak from personal experience, but I had to watch a video in health class that made me want to never ever do that. It’s pretty much proof that women are the stronger sex and that certain events should never be captured on film. And if they are, they should never be shown to anyone under the age of 40, or else they will be scarred for life.

Granted, this is my perspective, and I’m not asking for a government subsidy to help fund my womanly needs, but I do think that it should be noted that being a woman is expensive. Did you know that insurance premiums for women are generally higher than they are for men? That just sucks. Here is a breakdown:

$6.79 for a box of Tampax tampons

$5.99 for a bottle of Advil

$24.95 for a Victoria’s Secret bra (on sale)

$25.00 for 5 pairs of Victoria’s Secret undies (on sale, and I despise the word “panties”)

$125.00 for a pap smear (at a local clinic)

$75.00 for eyebrow and bikini wax

$115.00 for concealer, foundation, mascara, blush, and lipstick at Sephora

$12.00 for Olay moisturizer

That’s almost $400. I would never want to stop being a woman, or to lead you to believe that this argument is solely based on expenses, but I think it’s time that we all acknowledge that women do still have a hard time.

BTW, it is Memorial Day, so thank to all the men and women who serve our country and stuff.

Today gets 3 Barbie Warhols: