Day 46

PROFESSOR BLONDIE LECTURE SERIES: FRIDAY THE 13^TH

I have a black cat, so I’m not one for superstitions (although black cats being unlucky varies from culture to culture – in some places, they are considered good luck). I think that the reasons we do and say things are funny. Saying “knock on wood”(you are calling the wood gods to protect the good fortune of which you just spoke) or throwing spilled salt over our left shoulder (counteracts the unluckiness of spilled salt – the devil usually perches on the left shoulder and this would keep him away) are superstitions that we all still do without even realizing. I think that the stigma attached to “Friday the 13^th” is no different.

I enjoy Friday the 13^th because it’s an excuse to watch Friday the 13^th (any and all). If this is not true for you, than I really don’t understand you. Just kidding (kind of). Horror movies are entertaining and psychologically fascinating. I took a Cinema Theory course in college and I can tell you anything you want to know about feminist film theory and gender roles in horror films. Or at least everything I remember from an article we had to read about all that stuff by Carol J. Clover (should I be embarrassed I remember her name? I don’t think so). One of her main points that I remember is the idea of a “final girl.” [For those of you have never seen horror movies, I’m pretty much going to spoil them all for you] Essentially, the last girl survivor has to sprout a penis to live. What I mean by this is that usually the slasher/killer/crazy dude has a phallic weapon that he uses to penetrate (kill) his victims. It’s all about sexual frustration. The final girl can only defeat the killer that stalks her by taking up her own phallic weapon and penetrating him, before he can do the same to her. It’s more complicated than that, but for the purposes of my lecture today, that will suffice. I like horror films because they can be more complex than they seem.

Anyway, aside from about 15 movies called “Friday the 13^th” in which people are brutally killed, the date is significant for other reasons. Jesus was crucified on a Friday. Judas was hung on a Friday. Adam and Eve were apparently banished from Eden on a Friday. Hangings used to be done only on Fridays. Nowadays, Friday usually celebrates the end of the workweek and the beginning of the weekend, as chronicled in Rebecca Black’s ode to the day (I know I said I’d never mention her again, but damn it!) and the popular Ice Cube films titled after the popular day of the week.

Thirteen has always been considered an unlucky number. There were 13 guests at the Last Supper. Most buildings don’t have a 13^th floor. A lot of hotels and apartment buildings will not have any rooms numbered 13.

Apparently, back in the 14^th century, the Knights Templar were targeted by the king of France. On Friday the 13^th he (actually his men because he was a pussy) forced them (often through torture) to commit acts of heresy so that he could arrest them and amass their fortune. Talk about unlucky (This may not be true since Dan Brown -and I'm pretty sure I hate Dan Brown - mentions it in The Da Vinci Code).

Today is also the first and last Friday the 13^th of 2011. There will be 3 in 2012, so watch out.

You may wonder how I know all this stuff. It’s because I’m a witch.

But really, I just read a book about superstitions. And I’m wicked smart (for a blonde? Fuck you).

Today gets 5 Barbie Warhols: