Day 122

Today was a difficult day. I was preparing to go out of town on a business trip and it was hectic. I had to send this, stamp that, collate this, staple that. That brings me to a real downer:

BLONDE GONE WRONG: THINGS THAT SUCK AS A BLONDE

The relationship with my awesome red Swingline stapler is very strained. I can only imagine that this is because it doesn’t recognize me. Staplers are kind of like dogs; they’re extremely loyal and can be man’s best friend. They know your touch and often work harder for you than any dude who stops by your desk to borrow it. It’s a very monogamous relationship. My red stapler has forsaken me because I can’t convince him that I’m still me. If I try to staple anything thicker than 8 pages it’s a catastrophe. I have to open it up, get the screwdriver out and then the hood snaps down on my hand and it’s just ridiculous. This pretty much happens ever 3 staple jobs. So, I wrote a poem to an inanimate object, you know, like I do….

Breaking Up is a Staple of Life

Dear Red Swingline Stapler, I’ve loved you for so long.

I’ve had you at my right hand for 2 whole years.

I can’t help but wonder what I have done wrong?

Your refusal to perform has brought me to tears.

I feel like that guy in Office Space,

I think his name was Milton.

They moved his desk from place to place,

Be he always had you to hit on.

What is a girl to do when her office goods betray her?

I don’t want to lose you, but you haven’t been true.

I hate to say goodbye when I know you won’t bother,

But we’ve had some good times, so don’t be blue.

Today gets 2 Barbie Warhols: