I know the Hollywood cliché is the blonde-haired, big-boobed, tan Barbie-type, but I’ve been watching Scream all day, and all the blondes seem to die. If you haven’t seen any of the Scream movies, you should probably be aware that this entire post will be filled with spoilers. In the first film, a blonde Casey Becker (Drew Barrymore) gets murdered in the first 10 minutes. Then Sidney’s best friend Tatum, a bleach blonde, (Rose McGowan) gets killed in the pet door of a garage door. Guess who survives? The brunettes – Sidney, Gail Weathers, Deputy Dewey, and Randy (Gail does have some blonde highlights in her hair, but she’s totes a brunette). In the sequel, the blonde sorority girl Cici (Sarah Michelle Gellar) gets wacked at her sorority house. Surprisingly, I think she may be the only blonde who gets killed. Portia de Rossi is in the movie, but I think she actually survives. So far, blondes: 1 , Ghostface: 3. In the third film, Cotton Weary’s blonde girlfriend, Christine (Kelly Rutherford), gets done in just after she takes a shower. Then Sarah Darling (Jenny McCarthy) gets off’d at the “Stab 3” production office. [Jay and Silent Bob as well as Carrie Fisher have cameos in the movie. It kind of takes you out of it.] Guess who ultimately survives all three movies? The brunettes – Sidney, Gail, and Dewey.
These movies totally lack redheads, but more importantly, smart blondes who can evade the killer. Perhaps this is a subject to delve into deeper in the future. Is being a dead blonde one of the “rules” of a horror movie? You can’t have sex. You can’t drink or do drugs. And you can’t be blonde (unless you’re Portia de Rossi)? Why is it that only the brunettes survive? Is this some sort of Hollywood prejudice – with their Darwinist approach to their portrayal of blondes? Survival of the fittest, but blondes just aren’t fit enough. And redheads are damn near extinct. This is obviously a theory exclusive to the horror genre as there are plenty of instances in other films of blondes conquering all (i.e. Legally Blonde, Cinderella, any Meg Ryan movie…). Apparently the “badass” gene is exclusive only to brunettes. LAME. I’m off to see if they change the rules in Scream 4, but I doubt it. Prediction: Hayden Panettiere, Kristen Bell, Anna Paquin, Brittany Robertson, and Marley Shelton will be among the dead – simply because they are towheaded twits.
(Also, the poster in Sid's room in the first movie is the Indigo Girls, and on the set of her room in the third film, the poster in her room is Creed. I laugh out loud every time I notice this because at least they are consistent with Sid's poor taste in music.)
Today gets 3 Barbie Warhols: 
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